Feelin' the love... a few thoughts on Valentine's day and friendship

Well, today is Valentine's Day so in honour of the day of hearts i thought i'd share some thoughts on friendship. Coincidentally, I'm writing this while "Friend Like You" by Joshua Radin is playing in the background. That was kind of random! Anyway, i've always hated all the fuss about forced romance that goes along with Valentines Day. I think it puts a lot of pressure on relationships and tends to make people who are either in a bad relationship or not in one at all feel crappy about it. So, I prefer to think of it as a day for sharing love in general, celebrating friendships and of course eating chocolate. Remember elementary school and all those paper valentines and candy hearts? We might as well celebrate something that we can all appreciate!

So, these past few weeks i've been thinking a lot about community and how much i miss the one i just left. I mean Vernon, but i also mean British Columbia in general because I've lived in many parts of it and i have good friends in more than a few of its towns. I tend to think of the whole province as my community. It's never been very hard for me to meet people in BC. There seems to be a common thread of appreciation for the outdoors and an openness to meeting new people and embracing them into the community that has made it easy for me. When someone new comes along inevitably someone throws a potluck, a bunch of people show up and the newbie gets to meet a whole bunch of potential friends in one go.

Try as i might, breaking into the community here in Toronto hasn't been easy. Granted, i've only been here 5 weeks but it does seem that by this point i should have made at least one friend who doesn't live under the same roof as me. I suppose if you count the manager at my gym who interviewed me for a job the other day and who has a brief chat with me whenever i run into her there then, perhaps that could count as one. Or, the gal in my bread lab who exchanged email addresses with me and told me about her meditation group. She might count. But at this point, i haven't actually met a new person and hung out with them outside of class or the gym.

'Now' magazine, which is Toronto's equivalent of 'The Georgia Straight' printed an article this week entitled "Toronto the Cold" that begins with "Whoever said meeting people is easy didn't live in this city. It's cold, and it's not just the temperature. So why is Toronto such a harsh place to be single?". It goes on to talk about how Torontonians are especially career driven, often quite cliquey and seem to be less outgoing than people from other cities. If this is all true, then i'm in for a tougher battle than i was prepared for.

Fortunately, i do have two friends living in Toronto who don't share the same house as me. One is from Vernon, BC and the other is from Nelson, BC. Like me, both are transplants to this foreign world of concrete and brick. They are wonderful and i'm very glad that they are here. I went for breakfast with one gal last weekend and we had a really great catch up session. It was good to hear that she was dealing with some of the same things that i am. I'm happy that i have the opportunity to get to know these lovely ladies better during my time here.

Admittedly, i'm struggling with wanting to get out of the house more and enjoy the company of people in a casual way without too much formality. You know, to just be able to go out and have a few beers and laughs, maybe go dancing or see some live music without it having to be a date. Or have a heart to heart about real issues over dinner or a glass of wine. I miss the people who really know me, who i can totally be myself around and who i don't need to tell my whole history to over coffee. I really miss my girlfriends. I knew that i would, but i wasn't quite sure how it would manifest itself. Sometimes the spirits of my friends walk with me through town and i'll end up having conversations with them in my head. (No, i'm not crazy... but i do daydream a lot!) Like the other day when i was walking down Queen Street and saw a poster for a Rockabilly Brunch at a local cafe. My friend Trisha was walking beside me and saw it too and was totally excited and we began making plans to go check it out... but of course it was all in my head... and i didn't end up going.

This morning, i decided to call up my friend Kristy, who i've known for over half my life. We ended up talking for an hour and a half and it was wonderful to share stories and catch up on everything. Later, as i was in the middle of writing this, Trisha called to wish me happy Valentine's day and see how i was doing. It was so sweet of her and totally made my day. She gave me some good advice. She suggested that i take myself out for a drink at a nice lounge, bring my journal, and sit at the bar. That this was a good way to make myself approachable because then people would have a bit of liquor in them to loosen their tongues and they would also have something to talk about because they'd be able to ask me what i'm writing. I'm thinking this is a good idea, but i'll have to augment it slightly since i'm currently playing a little game that limits me from drinking on unsanctioned evenings, and... ahem... tonight happens to be one. So, i'm going to take myself out for coffee instead, to a little cafe that i've been eyeing up but haven't yet stopped in at. Caffeine can loosen tongues too right? If you're reading this... please send me some friendly luck vibes... or lucky friend vibes... i will likely be in need of them!

To all my lovely girlfriends... know that you are all in my heart and i miss you. I hope you will treat yourself to something decadent and indulgent today. That means... don't forget to eat chocolate!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!